Aaaah today is a good day :D or well, yesterday was a good day... and this night.. Whatever. And last weekend was soo much fun, I'm so glad I went to Hämis. And next weekend is looking great too! Awesome. Lol it's almost 3am and I have to get up for work at 6 but iss okaaay because I had such a fun night and I deserved it because I've been a good little employee and getting 6-7h of sleep every night before work. I was gonna do that tonight too, I was getting ready for bed at like 11pm but someone interrupted meee and then I stayed up chatting. Awesome chats with awesome people. And I have no idea how I haven't passed out yet, I've been awake since 6am... but I feel fine, I guess I got energized somehow. I would stay up more but all the others have gone to sleep so.. No moar chatting.

Okay so this is like the most useless post ever but I don't caaare. Going to bed now kthxbye

(Lol satisfied sounds dirty)

(This is such an awesome song thanks Miikka!)

Hah, I just had to write this somewhere... I was going through my itunes and looked at the 25 most played songs... and I almost laughed outloud when I looked at the list of artists... Lady Gaga, Andrew W.K., Coldplay, Bob Dylan, Pink, Glee soundtracks..... Who needs just one genre XD I need to listen to more Glee music so it'll be at top of the list <3 And I don't care what people think of me listening to such cheesy musical songs, it makes me happy and that's the main part :P Ooh and the show even has me drawing again. I got tons of fanart sketches to submit.. somewhere. DA I suppose. And I refuse to put them in the scraps even if they are just rough pencil works, because I'm proud of myself and my improving realism skills. You can even recognize the characters from these if you know them! :D I feel kinda awesome now. I might just have a shot at this. I mean, there must be work out there for a person who can draw a lot of things from reference. I don't need to be properly creative... I don't need to be able to have tons of new ideas. This is good enough for me. As long as I can do something I love and earn a living from it.

Okay first of all: I love Nick for saving my day! Like a week ago she talked to me about this new show Glee, and then I reluctantly downloaded a few episodes and only remembered to watch them now and oh wow new favorite show. I knew after the first episode that I would be staying up all night watching this <3 And now it's 9am and I'm waiting for the next one to complete loading lol. Yay for getting something to do other than playing wow. Speaking of which I love playing horde. It's refreshing to do something new. I think I've given up on all my other alts because who wants to do the same quests over and over again. But with horde, eeeverything's new. And of course, trolls. Just... trolls. Why oh why did I ever choose Ally over these sexy beasts... And drawing trolls is ten times easier than trying to draw wonky draenei anatomy. Damn you Devkon with your stupid legs and big chest muscles and that lovley curve of your back at the base of your tail and.... okay so maybe allies have some sexy beasts too. WTB troll/draenei slash.

Okay random rant is getting pretty random. So uhh.... nothing new at the real life department. No job, no school, nothing. So yeah I guess that's it for the update (who the hell am I even updating this for.... myself I guess lol). Oh and I like this song. I don't care what anyone thinks, I like this song. Makes me want to dance.

Holy shit I forgot how big this apartment looks when it's empty. Well not completely empty yet but there's only this desk and my computer and my bed in the next room and oh wow there is so much space and so much white. I felt a bit like crying just a moment ago because I decided to bake something and then I remembered how many times I used to bake here at 3am and listen to good music too loud and I felt so happy and now I have to leave this place. For some reason I can't hold on to the thought that I will have a new place of my own at some point, and that it might be better than this and I might be happier there. I just want this place and sometimes I regret this whole thing and I wish I hadn't fucked everything up and....... I think I have some switch in my brain that's stuck on "pessimistic". I need to switch it right now. I need to remember that it will all be worth it when I'll be studying fancy art in a fancy art school and living in a new apartment and having the time of my life. That is what I need. This apartment will be in the past, and I won't miss it, and my life will be better.

I think I'm getting so worked up about this because this is the first place that was completely MINE. And maybe that's why I have such a hard time letting go of it. Because this was and always will be the first place that was only my home. But I will have others, and I will love them like I love this one. And I'll hang more pictures on the walls there and decorate it better and clean it and put my stuff all around the place and make it my own.

(Holy moodswings, Batman!)

( music thing )

Stolen from Essi, needed something to do. Tomorroooow I have to wake up earlyish and go to Lohja to talk to this lady about what the fuck I'm going to do with school and everything right now. I hope we'll get something sorted out. I'm not that nervous about it, she sounded nice on the phone and even made a few jokes. It makes me relax when people aren't so serious.

Todaaay I played WoW, like I have done everyday for the last week or so. Damn you Laura for getting me hooked again... I hope I'll get bored at some point because I don't have money to pay for this addiction! :P But it is too much fun right now, a great way to spend all my days and nights and just ignore everything else. And it's rewarding, I've gotten to level 32 in a bit over a week. I can't believe how much faster leveling is now. And it is so much more fun with a warrior than it was with a rogue. I just hated dying all the fucking time because she couldn't take damage and I felt so weak and had to wait and heal between every single fight. Now, with a warrior, I can actually survive a battle with more than one enemy, and I can kill several in a row without stopping. Feels good man. And draeneis are way more awesome than nightelves. This game has made me lust after troll, tauren and draenei men. Who cares about boring elves when you can have big hairy cow men <3

(... I don't think playing WoW should make me feel accomplished)

Oh man I've been playing so much The Sims 3 lately... I have this gay couple at the moment, and they are just adorable :D They are completely in love, and always staring at each other with smiles on their faces. They make me so happy <3 And I got a same-sex pregnancy mod so I'm going to get some cute pretty little kids for them eventually. Because they are totally pretty. So no ugly children in this family! But I have to figure out what to do with one of the guy's sisters.. because I like them too, but I'm too lazy to play with a huge family. And I know if I just leave them alone, they'll never get married and just get old and die.... The AI in this game makes me rage sometimes D: You have to do everything yourself, can't trust the little idiots to take care of their own matters..

Well okay no one actually tagged me to do this but I saw it and wanted to do it so I stole it!

( Music meme )

Okay so the only way I cheated was that I skipped over one audio book file in there... because I doubt that a section of The Selfish Gene counts as a song :P But wow, a lot of different artists came up on this :o I guess it shows how many different genres I listen to... Or I guess most of it is pop or something, hah. I don't think anything that embarrassing came up. Although, I'm not embarrassed of the music I listen to. It was a little bit nostalgic doing this since I haven't listen to some of these in years.

I had a dream where Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes + their cute daughter came to Finland, and they had trouble communicating so I worked as their translator. I have no idea where it came from! Also inside the dream, I woke up in this apartment.. Laura's little brother was there, playing WoW, and then my mom was in the kitchen, making breakfast. What the hell is my subconscious trying to tell me??

Today one of those big-ass mosquito things came into my room and I had a minor panic attack... Totally super awesome! I'm glad it just flew out the balcony door on its own. Phobias are so much fun. I rewarded myself with some pizza for trying to attack it with a shoe before it escaped.

I also drew todaay. I was looking at my horribly awful drawings on DA from like 3 years ago, and got inspired to make new versions of them. Because comparing my new drawings to my old ones makes me feel like I'm a better than I really am! The first pic was of some super girly kimono boy... and the other one was of my oold character Carol. I decided to draw Vera in her place in the new pic though. Because I don't want to draw a character I don't even have anymore, and the pose/setting/clothes fit Vera pretty well.

The first day of school starts in 4 hours. I'm not really surprised that in the end I chose to stay up all night instead of trying to sleep at a reasonable time, failing, getting less than 3 hours of sleep and then not being able to get out of bed in the morning. This approach is better for me. I think I might actually start sleeping during the day/evening, from like 4pm to.. 1am or something. That way, I might be more motivated to actually leave for school since I'd have been awake for several hours at that point.... Not sure if that makes any sense but.. um.. I might try it :P I'm pretty desperate to find ways I would actually go to school this fall and not.. fail epicly like I did earlier this year. I'm pretty sure it was mostly because I couldn't get out of bed in the morning. So wheeee totally screwed sleeping rhythms!

Everyone should listen to Katamari music at least once a day. At least the cheerful happy ones. It's totally awesome.

Totally booored.... :( I would be playing Fallout 3 like I have been doing the whole week but I just noticed I reached the max level and I have to download some add-ons before I can get to level 30.... I'm not doing any quests and wasting exp before that! This is shiiiit, I hope they'll download quickly. Hmm and maybe after I'm done with fallout 3 I could download 1 and 2 too. I don't really know much about them but I love the third one so much, the others might be good too.

I was supposed to go to the store too... But then I thought I have enough food and I'm just too lazy to take a shower and get dressed and go out blahhhh. I'll just stay inside all day <3 I could watch some movies I have that I haven't seen yet... Oooor Ayakashi. Mmmm I do love some samurai horror anime with awesome art.

Totally fucked up sleeping rhythm ftw \o/ I went to sleep at 10am and woke up around 9pm. Sso literally sleeping during the day and awake at night.... And watching games on livestream all night, haha. I'm pretty much just killing time and waiting for my Fallout 3 download to finish.

... Wow, I really have nothing to write about. Nothing happens in my liiiiiiffffeeeee

Oh well, back to watching vidyavidya

Today has been.. okay. I played The Sims 3 all day yesterday and today <3 It's exciting making my sims go through something horrible and then seeing how they deal with it. I just wish so bad sims wasn't targeted for the whole family, I would love it 100x more if it had actual adult stuff like murder, abuse and whatnot. Because I'm a sick person who's fascinated by insanity and serial killers and eating disorders and depression and other fun stuff <3

I did manage to make one of my sim's childhood pretty interesting by having her be hated by her (literally)insane mother and burning half their furniture and then getting her 3 siblings taken away by the social worker because their mother was passed out on the yard and didn't feed them. And then my girl was "homeless" for a while.. I had her live in an empty lot and she survived by stealing fruit from the park and taking showers in other people's houses until they kicked her out and she had to sleep in their back yard. Good times. Now she's happily married to a rich man but it's getting boring playing through such a normal life so I'm probably going to kill her husband or something. They already have a kid so he's kinda useless now.

I think I've had enough of a break from the game, I'm starting to remember my own boring life so I'll go back to messing with my poor sims.

I just spent 6 hours watching videos of a guy playing various video games while making funny comments about them. I'm pretty sure this makes me the biggest geek EVER.

Oh lord I hate my life.

.... I'll just go watch more of his videos now.

( random survey )
Man today was weird. I skipped school(again) and I went to buy some Salmiakki booze and drank most of it and had some cider and cream liguoer(yeah I don't care how you spell it) and I feel kinda drunk now and I just hope I'll get up early enough tomorrow to go see the doctor... I think overall I had a good day. Played some fun games(finished Half-Life 2) and chatted with some frienda online. Yay.

So. I have an appointment with a doctor this friday to discuss what anti-depressants/some other meds I'm going to start taking this summer. And I hate how it takes too long for them to affect my last few weeks at school. I'm so scared I'll fail this course and won't get the summer dress finished and all the other assingments to go with it :/ But at least my mood and motivation should improve during summer vacation. Maybe I would actually start enjoying some of my hobbies again instead of killing time online all the time.

Today was a pretty good day. I went to the psychologist, we made my doctor's appointment, and then I went to school and got the prototype for the dress made. It was nice and sunny outside when I walked home and I went to the store too... I was actually going to buy some wine and have some fun by myself today but my social anxiety ruined everything and I pretty much fled the store without buying any wine :/ Well I guess it's for the best.

I guess I'll go play some Half-Life 2 now~

Ugggghhh today has been a weird day.

I've felt more or less depressed all day. And the thing that cheered me up a little was less than 20 minutes chatting with a stranger. A stranger even by internet's standards: no screenname, no profile, nothing. Just... someone. And it started with a /b/ raid X´D How pathetic. But, got one more person on my msn. Usually I get an hour of two of less-than-total-boredom from /b/.

Ehhhh tomorrow, an appointment with a psychologist aandd hours of school I'll hopefully endure through with just 3 hours of sleep....

Shitttt I want those sleeping pills. Being able to fall asleep when I want to and not waking up during the night.. sounds like heaven to me. Yeah I know, I should use willpower and relaxing methods and whatnot before trying pills, but I'm just a lazy asshole who wants the easy solution. Also, weed. I want that. It sounds like fun.

But lonely and pathetic nerd knows no friends who have weed :( so nvm

I've been listening to too much sad music lately... But Patrick Wolf is so gooood :(

I feel lonely today, and desperatedly yearning for a relationship. Or just new friends. I wish there was always someone online, but I don't have that many friends and all the other finnfags go to sleep too early (=they don't stay up till 6am).

At least I wasn't bored today. A friend introduced a very bad habit to me and now I'm downloading games :P So I started playing Half-Life 2 today and I'm pretty sure now I really like first-person shooters <3 Even though I have a stupidly girly habit of closing my eyes and shooting like crazy when several scary looking robot-things fly at me with those red eyes....... paniic! I'm gonna play more tomorrow~ And I'm so annoyed by the lack of third-view because I want to look at Gordon in that hot suit-thingy of his..... Unless I'm just too stupid to find the right key to change the view, ahaha....ha...

Okay now I don't feel lonely and sad anymore because I'm thinking of hot men in glasses and my itunes is playing a happy song
for once <3

So, for the last two months I've only gotten 38 euros in student aids. I should have gotten over 400 per month. I feel like crying because of this, and also because I haven't told my dad. I'm too scared to tell him, he's disappointed enough with me skipping school so much :( I feel angry at myself because I'm too much of a fucking sissy to do anything about this. I don't want to call anyone and ask about this. I'm scared they'll just say  "you've been absent from school too much, so we took away your monies" and then I can't do anything.

I really want to get excited about a new series or game right now :( I have no motivation to play and I have no series to watch. I guess I should see if I can find the classic DW seasons to download.... and then clear up some room on my computer.

Well, I have a new favorite thing. The Authority:
( pic )
Best. Comic. Ever! Midnighter and Apollo rule my world <3 And Angie is fucking hot, if I had enough skill I would so draw sexy fanart of her.

And Watchmen is pretty damn cool too. Too bad the comic felt so short :( And fuck the ending. I know it's childish but I hate it when they kill characters I love. And made me hate another character I liked for the whole comic D: Screw yoooou. Also screw hollywood for turning Laurie from a likable, funny female character into a whiny, boring, skinny bitch. Why do they have to ruin everything in movies?

I just browsed Wikipedia and feel stupid for not knowing Rorschach is the name of the inventor of the inkblot test, hah.

edit: I totally forgot to mention something from The Authority: A character they call the Doctor, an entity that changes into another person when the last one dies. Gee, I wonder which doctor I keep thinking of everytime he makes an appearance....

So I started watching Doctor Who again. I don't understand why I ever stopped <3 But I feel like a bit of a bad fan for not having seen the classic episodes. If I had a fast, easy and cheap way of getting them, I would. But I just don't have the space on my computer and I don't have the money to buy all of them, even if I knew where to look.

I can't get over how weird it is that I loved Rose. I usually hatehate characters like her but now, after Martha and Donna, I still miss her :( She was the best. But bringing her back would kind of.... ruin the sadness of her leaving? I can't explain it. It's like bringing back a dead character: as much as I might have liked the character, it just takes away some of the seriousness of the series.

Damn why can't I make pretty icons? I really want a nice Jack/Doctor icon but I don't like using the ones other people make. A Master/Doctor one would be nice too... mmm timelord porn.

The Doctor needs a male companion next season! It would be brilliant, I bet not one fan would complain.

</DW rant>